It's School Day at Hallmark UK

It's all about raising money for charity...

Badminton…

You know that game you play with rackets (racquets…in proper english) and shuttlecocks?
This is how you would say it if you where an English person…



…and the American in the room would look over and say, “Timeout. What did you just say?”

In England, pronouciation of "badminton" is: bad (as in that sucks), min (as in mint...sounds delicious) and , ton (as in the end of SkipTON).

In America, it's pronounced bad, mitten (as in a fingerless glove)

The Results Are In…

If you’ve ever wondered what goes down at a speed dating event, please, let me inform you.

* When you arrive, you are given a scorecard, a nametag and a pen.
I stole the pen...only because I figured it was my best chance of coming out of there with something.
* The dating begins.
* The women stay seated and the men rotate every three minutes when the whistle blows.
* After each date, participants mark 'yes' or 'no' on a scorecard.
* At the end of the evening, the top-sheets of all scorecards are collected.
* You are informed, by email, within 2-3 days whether you have any matches or not.


11 guys, 11 girls, 11 conversations later…

& I have a match!
(I don’t think I really meant to insert an exclam. there, but whatever.)

Meaning, we both checked ‘yes’ after those three minutes of ecstasy.

Matt is his name, hearts are his game…
He’s a cardiologist...bad joke, I know.

“In addition to this, 8 other men were interested in meeting you - if you would like to know who they were, please contact us.” Thanks, but no thanks.

I got an email from Matchy Matt last night. It went like so...

Hey Mary Beth,

Hope you enjoyed speed-dating last week...(I suspect I
won't be returning for any more of their events!!) Anyway
it was good to meet you and it seems we have both been
'matched'!! Given that the company calls itself 'ELITE
SPEED-DATING', I think it would be a crime not to meet up
for at least one drink that lasts longer than 3
minutes!!...I'm in Orlando at the moment lapping up the
sunshine then fly to NYC to chill out for a bit...I get
back towards the end of next week...would love to take you
out for drinks if you fancy...(I'm sure I can find
somewhere in Leeds you haven't been to before so should be
fun)...let me know..

Matt x

I figure one date in a year and a half couldn't hurt...

Speed Dating...And The Men That Go

Back in high school, I spent my summer’s waitressing at Tia’s, a Tex-Mex Restaurant close to my parent’s house. (insert shout out to Amanda O. here) The only awesome thing about this job was the giant, Mexican mural that I painted on the tortilla stand. It included the managers in sombrero hats gazing at the sun and Maria, the tortilla lady, riding a two-legged horse.

My dad would always tell me that waiting tables would teach me how to handle all types of people.
Thank you speed dating, for re-educating me.

And…here are my notes from last night:
(please note: I actually had to turn these in)

::Alisdair:: plumber, black tie, suit, OMG…awkward

::Dan:: hippie traveler, funny curly hair, I’ll have whatever it is that he’s smoking

::Brad:: It’s always a good sign when a guy chooses to go to the toilet before coming up to you. Sad. This is a real, live quote from Brad, “24 is starting. I want to wank just thinking about it.” Wow. Please don’t try to shake my hand. Mike and Marlene would die if I brought a guy like this home.

::Simon:: I think I have his shirt. Nervous…bless him.

::Mark:: Jeweler with sparkly shirt. Is that really sequins you have on there? Chose to put his nametag on the inside of his coat jacket. I like a rule breaker. First…the sequins, then…the nametag. Awesome.

::John:: Orthopedist. Holy crap that was intense…and not in a good way. I bet he breaks peoples bones on purpose.

::Andrew:: Lawyer from Doncasta’, sweet, warm demeanor

::Chris:: crap…I don’t know who this is.

::Robert:: Those are the largest pinstripes I’ve ever seen in my life. Do we play for the same team? Mmm…I think yeah. Flaming.

::Matt:: Cardiologist, super cute, is he tall?...negative…but I’d totally make out with him in flats sitting down.

::Dave:: Sweet, probably my dad’s age, but sweet.

Speed Dating Questions...

photo by Leo Reynold's

It's amazing to me how long a measly three minutes can seem...

Ladies and Gentlemen, if you ever find yourself...speed dating...be sure to go with a prepared list of questions. This bad boy came in handy with the socially inept.

Awkward is only funny for about thirty seconds.
After that, you just have to turn it up a notch. It makes it all the more funny.

1. Do girls think you’re sexy...I mean generally?
2. Do you collect anything?
3. Do you think Americans are stupid?
4. Do you like skinny chicks?
5. Have you ever checked out another guy at the gym?
6. Do you have a criminal record?
7. Have you ever had lemon juice squirted in your eye? Because that would suck.
8. You don’t know me, but if you had to make up a nickname for me, what would it be?
9. Do you own a hankercheif? Good…because they’re disgusting.
10. Have you ever worn eyeliner?

Alpa & Ajay's Engagement Ceremony Part:2

Alpa & Ajay's Engagement Ceremony Part:1

I was so honored when my friend, Alpa, asked me to photograph her engagement ceremony.
This was my very first time attending an event like this, and let me just say...wow.
The outfits were out-of-control gorgeous, the colors...fantastic, and the food...amazing. (Indian food is my new temporary fix for Mexican..minus the cheese)

Was That a Dream...or Did That Really Just Happen?

No, that was for reals.

Charles Dickens just walked by...and it's not even Halloween.
I love that I live in a country where stuff like this is normal.

Have an awesome weekend ya'll!

Simon's Response...

Ems, hi hi, just got out of my lava bath..., now where did I put my buffalo antiperspirant...
Brilliant! Not sure when I'm next your way, but I certainly should aim to come and see your place and bring my wellies. What's Mary Beth's phone number? I'll call her to at least commend her for her poetic efforts!...SB XX

Hello. My Name is Mary Beth…

And…I’m about to break my own rules.

You see, whenever people tell me that I should give online dating a try, I always give them the same answer: “I’m just not looking for that special guy in my life right now.”
I’m floating. I’m a floater…and it’s kinda nice up here.

After some serious hesitation, I’ve decided that whilst in England, you’ve got to do as the English do…drink
and have three minute, awkward conversations with members of the opposite sex.
I imagine this is every Englishman’s dream...you don’t even have to make bloody eye contact. And if you’re super uncomfortable, suck it up, the beer is just around the corner. (p.s. I’m taking the words bloody (and nobhead) back to the states with me).

You’re reading this right…next week, I’m going speed dating…English-style.
It's all about the stories people.

Night O' Fright

In England, Halloween is 82% more scary than it is in the US. (I like making up these percentages...)
Everyone wears scary costumes. Like, nightmare inflicting scary.
I always try to be something that makes people feel good. Last year, I was Jesus...
this year, I decided to go as a Giant Cheeto. Man, I love Cheetos.

Murray & Emma

Matt

Kendra & Angie

Holy crap Angie

Please don't eat me scary people!

Red-Eyed Kendra

For the Love of...Simon

This is my friend Emma's cousin, Simon.
Emma showed me his picture and my chest felt funny.
I think I'm in love. I thought it would be a good idea to write him a love letter.
I hope he finds it...moving.

Dearest Simon,

i've seen you in your wellies...and i liked it. i liked it a lot.
I imagine you smell like buffalo leather, or something equally masculine.
Do you bathe in lava? Because you're red hot.
My gut tells me that you're going to like me 91%.
The 9% of iffiness will arise shortly after reading this letter.
Two hours later, that nine could increase to thirty...
but baby, don't let the numbers scare you.

What we could have here is magic. Just think about it.
Mary Beth

This Happened in the Crown Room Yesterday...

I don't even know what to say.
Looks to me like someone had too much Raisin Bran for breakfast.

Ginormous Mansize Tissues

In England you say?

Way.

Did you know…that when you’re speaking to an English person, you’re not supposed to bring up the fact that everything is bigger and better in the US of A?

It pisses them off (Marlene, please excuse my language).

I acquired this piece of wisdom well before I moved over to the jolly ol', however, I find it thoroughly entertaining testing the waters. It’s just my way of making friends.

Weekend Fashion Tip

Who knew jorts with neon blue tights could look so good?

It's True...I'm a Big, Fat, Winker

photo by sweet fanny adams

I’ve always had my doubts about winkers. Afterall, they’re distrustful, sketchy, and insincere people.

The girls and I had an in-depth discussion about winkers last night. The overall response to the act of winking was…eww. Particularly if you’re a creepy, old man whose eyes wander a bit before the winking takes place.

In the past month or so, I’ve developed a bizarre crush on a winker in my ‘hood. The very first time I spoke with him, he winked at me three times. It was as if this winker totally understood what I was trying to say…or that’s what he would've liked me to believe.

So…the very next day I walked past an acquaintance on my way to the lunchroom. Instead of saying “Hello!” I had a bit of an out-of-body…automatically winking and giving him the super gay man nod. It was ridiculous.

I’m officially done with winkers.
They’re bad influences.

Creative Team Building: Treasure Hunt in Leeds

The whole creative team went out for a Treasure Hunt yesterday in Leeds.
For some strange reason, all the Americana's ended up in the same group...I'm pretty sure that was the British trying to hoard their ingrained knowledge of all things English. Yeah well, we did win "Funniest Group Photo" suckas!

Mannequin heads...

Disco pigeons. We should've earned extra points for this find.

You know you're in England when...

Kendra and Angie's very best British pose.

The Lady Boys of Bangkok...yeeeah. This one won us 'funniest group photo'.

Shoes on the clue find

We found him!

...I found Hungry Jim too.

Lady sculpture...and a true lad.

Yes...That Just Happened

I slipped on a banana peel the other day. It was truly a Mario Kart moment...wish you could've been there to see it. I really thought the whole banana peel being slippery thing was a myth...not so much.

To all you irresponsible English people out there, throw your bloody banana peels in the bin. Donkey Kong's got a race to win.

Happy Birthday Marlene!

(I wrote this one awhile back, but thought it was appropriate given the special day...)

Marlene...she's my sweet and funny mom.
I call her "Marlene" only when she does or says something that only Marlene would say or do. My mom is a loyal fan of The Bold and the Beautiful and the Dallas Mavericks. She yells at the t.v. when her team misses a basket and at Ridge when he confides and/or makes out with any other chick besides his Bridget. She irons anything and everything...including sheets, underwear and socks...and believes hose are mandatory when attending a formal event. She always has plenty of food out on the table when entertaining and makes sure all of her guests are taken care of. "Your hair looks like straw" was the feedback that I received from Marlene after my fifth grade encounter with Sun-In. If anyone's going to be honest, it's my mom and that's why I love her.

Happy Birthday Mom!
Wish I could be there in person to give you a big hug...and to apologize for writing, "hot, sweaty makeout" in my previous post. (Marlene doesn't like that kind of talk...especially from a young lady)

Have a Wonderful Weekend!

And remember...say NO to drugs.

To Conclude My Adventure in Italia...

...I thought I'd save the best for last.

Ahh...Michele, exactly where he was four years ago...thank you Father Jesus.
This encounter didn't quite go the way that I wanted it to. No hot, sweaty makeouts behind the gelato stand, just a sexy Italian and a random American chick trying to re-create a GQ photo spread.

Oh well...a picture lasts forever. Kisses only last about 1% of the time.

Italy Quotes:

"Do you know Jimmy Carter?"

"We make relations..."

"I'm like a children...I drink peach juice."

"Giant corn nuts!!!"

overheard Italian man talking on his cell...
"You confuse-a me sexually. I want you."

Meet Simone

Simone and I then

Simone and I now

Simone owned a souvenir stand directly outside the door to my apartment on Via Ricasoli. I’d walk out in the morning and shout, “Buon giorno Simone!” And he’d reply, “Buon giorno Mary Beth!” In the evenings, we’d swap it to a buona sera.

Four + years later, Simone is right where he always was…and still managing to make everyone around him smile.

How Simone Met Mary Beth


Simone's Rant on Florence

Florence, Italy

To view the whole mac-daddy collection, click here.

Off to Florence for the Weekend...

I've decided not to take my computer with me on this trip...

Traumatizing Naples train station flashback involving sweaty, smelly men (sans deodorant), filthy, crammed cabins, and emotional breakdowns.

See you all on Tuesday!

Ciao Bello...

…that’s what I used to say to my dream man, Michele, who worked at the tabacchi shop on the corner of Via Ricasoli (the street that I lived on in Florence).

I’d pass by the shop everyday on my way to class.
The routine…and, yes, it was totally a routine, went like so: look straight forward, walk, walk, quick look…and smile, just as I rounded the corner. I built up the courage to walk in his shop all of two times that semester.

Baller.

The first time, my girlfriends pretty much pressured me into it.
They got sick of me coming home and talking about my eventless encounters with Mr. Hottie Tabacchi Shop Man. So…I bought a pack of gum…and couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I was too nervous thinking about our future together. Our last encounter took place at the very end of the semester. With poise, I walked into Michele’s tabacchi shop, told him that he was the most beautiful Italian man I had ever seen, and…silence.

Is he going to tell me that my scarf is way too short?...because, seriously, someone should have told me.

No, it’s just that my dearest Michele didn’t speak a lick of English…we needed a translator…and in that moment, I kinda wanted to take it all back. But, really, check out those pecs!

Guess where I'm headed on Thursday?...
Ahh, sweet Firenze (Florence). My home away from home.

This is my favorite Italian professor, Duccio.
Unfortunately, he'll be away in Modena this weekend with family.

Mind-programming

So, before jetting off to Washington D.C., I had a slight bridesmaid dress dilemma. Fortunately, it was nothing that a pair of heavy duty SPANX couldn’t sort out. (p.s. Thanks Marlene, for those big Italian booty genes.)

Someone at work told me about this hypnotist man who wrote a book called, I Can Make You Thin.
Funny concept…read a short book and listen, daily, to a mind-programming CD. I bought it…only because I thought if someone was going to hypnotize me, I’d want him to have a sexy accent. I really wish I had a sound clip of this business. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever listened to in my life. In fact, so terrifying, I chose to skip lunch. Success! Now if they only had a mind-programming CD for How To Land a Gentleman…

You Know You're in Shipley When...

Sorry gentlemen, you'll never think of twins in the same way...

Have a great weekend everybody!

You Know You're in a Foreign Country When...

...you have the option to adopt a gnome.

Becky & Scott's Wedding Weekend

Howdy friends. I'm going to keep this brief, as I just spent 23 hours traveling from bus to subway to plane to underground to train to train number two and home.

What an amazing week in the US of A.
I got to explore two of my favorite cities, drink a few margaritas and spend some quality time with a bunch of old friends. I'm also pretty sure that I ate a pigeon before heading back to London. Beware of airport Chinese restaurants. I ordered chicken and vegetables and let me just say, the chicken neither looked nor tasted like chicken. I did notice that D.C.'s pigeon population was strangely larger than New York City's. Ok, let's not talk about this anymore...blocking from my memory after I go throw up.

And here they are...the photos from the weekend. To view the whole mac-daddy collection click here

Go Texas Tech! Get your guns up!


The Lovely Bridesmaids

Becky & MB

The Gorgeous Bride

The Flower Girl, Amy


Big Hat Bridal Brunch

Jamie, Lori and I made the bouquets

Seating Chart

Mr. & Mrs. Bostic!

New York City

Hello. MB here, reporting to you live from New York City...one of my favorite cities in the world.
So, I managed to meet up with three close friends, hit up most of the Banana Republic's in the area, and walk 70+ blocks...in a day and a half. Score.

Meet my NYC friends:

My good friend Erica who I met while I was studying abroad in Florence.

Devin, one of my closest friend's from university. I just said university...wow...I've been in England for too long.

Bashan, we met at a design conference in Denver three years ago.