RIP

Thanks to Neil and Angie for being my models...work it.

These are the spaces in the parking lot for people who car share (carpool).
Does anyone agree that what we’re seeing is totally creepy?
I’ve been wanting to bust out the sidewalk chalk and write out little epitaphs above each body. Something like:

“I never did like pancakes.”
Emma Parsons
1867-1912

Funny…or not so much?

I say funny.
But then again I’m not 100% sure that my humor translates over here.

Blank stares = not so funny

If I do perish in this country, God forbid, I can assure you that it will be death by car. I get all confused about which way to look that I don’t really look I just go with my gut because that’s what Mike and Marlene always told me was the right thing to do but that’s not really the way to go in situations such as this but really, wouldn’t it be great if we could just go off on a thought and never use periods or correct grammar this feels so nice that I don’t want to stop but I have to stop meself...everyone says that over here...because it’s time to go to sleep so that I can wake up in the morning please Lord let me wake up in the morning. Period.

Meet Marlene.

She's my sweet and funny mom.
I call her "Marlene" only when she does or says something that only Marlene would say or do. My mom is a loyal fan of The Bold and the Beautiful and the Dallas Mavericks. She yells at the t.v. when her team misses a basket and at Ridge when he confides and/or makes out with any other chick besides his Bridget. She irons anything and everything...including sheets, underwear and socks...and believes hose are mandatory when attending a formal event. She always has plenty of food out on the table when entertaining and makes sure all of her guests are taken care of. "Your hair looks like straw" was the feedback that I received from Marlene after my fifth grade encounter with Sun-In. If anyone's going to be honest, it's my mom and that's why I love her.
My two week stay at the Ibis Hotel is officially over on Monday. Out of touch with the world, I've been getting some pretty great emails from my mom...

Dear Mary Beth,
I'm concerned about you. Please get in contact with us as soon as possible and let Dad and I know that you're ok! Did you find out about the normal bed size that comes with a furnished apartment and do you want me to wait to send this package or should I send it to the lady who lives across the street from you? How did you get to work today??? Walk??? How will you talk on skype if you do not have a convenient internet hookup. Won’t they let you use the computer at work, after work??? On a temporary basis??? Tell them that I think they should…

Happy to hear that the Real Estate lady will be meeting with you on Friday. Will it be after work or will they allow you time to go during the day??? Did she know of any possibilities for housing to speak of??? Are there any openings across the street in the apartment complex that your friend lives??? Reasonable enough???

Please send an address and phone number when you get a chance.

Make sure that you eat decently Mary Beth. You don’t want to get sick or cause problems. When will you get your first pay check??? Will you be OK until then???

Much Love, Mom

and then the email from Dad (aka. Big Daddy Mike Koeth)...

Mary,
Did you get paid from CFB by EFT? If not, your paycheck still hasn’t arrived.
Hope all is well, Lass.

Love, Dad

Rawr

Hypothesis: English cats are sweet and funny like their little, English owners.

I've never been a fan of cats.
The little kitty killers are to blame for the few scars that appear on my body. However, in the spirit of trying new things in this new country of mine, I have decided to take on an ‘I looove cats!’ stance…only because everyone around me owns a cat. Never tell a cat lover that you hate cats, right?...come on, that’s no way to make friends.

My first kitty encounter was with Sue’s cat, Maddi.
The relationship started off great. She sat on my lap and let me pet her. My personal prejudice against these animals was slowly beginning to subside. “Geez, Madi…” I said, “…you shed like crazy woman.” So I blew the fur gently off her back and got in return a snap back, irate, HISS. Son of a…

Last night Emma invited me over for cottage pie!
Sweet…two more cats. “Hi little kitties. Aren’t you cute? Yes you are…yes you are.” I’m really doing this. Holding another freaking cat. I come out of the moment unscathed.

Later, I decide to play Grab da’ Paws.…that didn’t go over well.
I woke up this morning with a big, horizontal, red slash across my stomach.

Conculsion: Cats are sadistic little monsters that belong solely on dinner plates in Asia. No, I don’t really mean that...just kinda sorta sometimes.

Bangers and Mash...

...I'm yet to taste that savory meal.
Do you know what bangers and mash are? I didn't.

take one guess.

Yes, my friends...
bangers = sausages
and mash = whipped potatoes.
Baked potatoes w/ the skin on it = jacket potatoes.
I'm learning all kinds of good, clean, fun.

I was invited to 'Sunday Roast' by a woman called Sue.
My very first Yorkshire Pudding and Swede encounter. It reminded me of foreign persons Thanksgiving dinner...in a good way.

Where am I?

UK Flat-daddy

I wish this post could be about how I met a hot older man who offered to pay for my rent (aka. My Flat-daddy)...but, sadly, it is not. It's about the flat search and Buddha knows best. So a sweet letting agent called, Diana (see how I'm trying to incorporate new British words for my American audience...) took me around Victoria Mills. We had to have looked at eight or ten places...all furnished and super charming. Most of them way more than I wanted to pay...

...but this one was perfect. Fully furnished from bedding to a vacuum, toaster, and towels. I walked in the front door and immediately felt at home. I hope you guys will too when you come to visit! Oh, and about the Buddha...I love love asian people...and there he was on the wall. Om.

Sorry, one more time...

That's what I say to people when they talk to me here. Pardon?, Excuse me?...What the crap did you just say?...no, I haven't used that one yet. I really don't know what my problem is. Flashback to 2004 when I was on a trip to London with Erica, my tiny friend from NYC that I studied abroad in Florence with. A group of tall men in suits asked the two of us to join them for drinks. Erica was my translator and saving grace. She's also the one who taught me how to use public transportation. We were underground making rights, then lefts when I'm like, "Erica, how in the world do you know which way to go?"...doi..."Mary Beth, you have to LOOK UP at the signs."

Note to self: Don't raise your kids in Dallas

Given that I'm staying in a hotel w/ no internet, I've got to keep my posts short and sweet until I'm connected to the rest of the world. Fortunately, I've got my shiny new Shipley Library card that gives me access for a short periods at a time.

Here are some of the things that people said today that made me smile:(please read in a British accent)

"Savory Attack" = Craving

"Crisps" = Potato Chips

"There's a woman called Ginny" instead of "There's a woman named Ginny"

talking about the bad American chocolate, Emma says, "Oooh...I love those Reese's Cupcakes!"

"Do you want to go to the pictures next week?" me, "Is that a band?" The Pictures = The Movies

Safe and Sound

Both Grandma and I are making strange faces.

Observations:

* The Manchester airport smells like bubble gum.
* Dead squirrel-looking animal on the road. Driver James goes, "oop, hedgehog."
* Snow on the hills...in freaking April
* Grocery carts are odd and called 'trolleys'
* Groceries are cheap
* Internet access in my hotel room is $20 and I actually paid that. Drr.
* It really does rain all the time
* People say, "Ta" for thank you

I'm really excited to finally be here.
Yesterday, I met up with Angie, the other American gal who's been out here for about six months. It's such a comfort to have somebody here who knows what's what. It's also nice that everything is close-by within walking distance (bank, library, grocery store, shops, pubs)...I was worried about that. During my December visit, I kept thinking about how I was going to manage getting around without a car. I love Europe for that reason. It really is just so easy going from point A to point B.

My dad used to say that when we had the Blue Pickle (big, blue, Pontiac station wagon).

"The only point of a car is to get you from point A to point B."

We would all roll our eyes. Marlene disagreed as well. She used to attach a big wreath to the front of the Blue Pickle to let everyone know...IT'S CHRISTMAS!!!
...I think that's why nothing embarrasses me anymore.

I'm headed out to Leeds today to shop around. Socks are necessary in this cold weather. Brrr.
I miss everyone already. Love love.

Goodbye Texas...

My four month retirement is coming to an end...
Mom and Dad letting me borrow their car and being handed a $20 as I walk out the door. Over. Waking up at noon and coffee with Grandma. No more. Tuesday movie nights w/ my girlfriends. Finito.
Oh it's bittersweet.
Sort of like my dream last night: One of the Mom's that I knew from grade school was stuck in traffic eating sour patch kids. She rolled down her window and filled my hand with them. I walked away and no words were exchanged. When I turn around and watch her drive off, all these homeless people jump onto her car and beg her to share. I felt bad, but what can you do?

4:00am

Tornado warnings in Dallas:: 4:00am
Mom and Dad come into my room and direct me to the hallway.
The tornado sirens went off...Grandma had her hearing aides out and I am just deaf and/or aging prematurely. Dad brings two flashlights, Mom and Grandma are suited up in their matronly robes, and I bring my camera...because this is wild. Crazy storms, no electricity...and Sammy and Shiner are in the hallway on the other side of the house. Awe. I vote to bring the dogs into our hallway, as they are part of our family. Mom and Dad vote no and assure they're fine.
The electricity comes back on and Grandma and I cheer, "We're Alive!"
I think it was the robes that kept us safe. Jesus wore a robe.

Really?

It's official...I'm headed off on Friday.
Bust out the mittens! It's bloody cold out there!

The Greatest Road Trip Game Ever...

This past weekend a group of us drove down to San Antonio for a friend's wedding. In the midst of conversation, Kiley looks over my shoulder and says, "Whaaaat the hell is that?"

That's a really good question...

What is it? The face kinda looks like a giraffe. It has the little horns and everything but the neck is far too short. I throw out, "A Llama?"...but I'm not 100% positive. After spending 15 minutes of guessing time, I pull out a pad of paper and write, "Llama?" in big black ink...roll down my window and hold it up for grandma and grandpa in the truck to concur. They both shake their heads, nope.

Later we try:
Cow?
Moose? (only b/c grandpa made antlers w/ his hands and shook his head like Bullwinkle)
Horse?

All negative.

Ladies and Gentleman...we have a Deer. Really?