7.31.2008

Watch out Olan Mills



This is the sort of game I'd make my friends play when we were little.

We'd have ice-skating competitions (on carpet…), photo shoots, and my fav...Fake Mass.

This would all take place around 2am in Mike and Marlene's living room.

It went like so:
I was usually the priest. If you were irreverent during my substandard homilies, you weren't allowed to receive holy communion. I did a great impression of Father Joe...a sweet little Asian priest who spit out a candle one time on accident while he was giving a blessing.

Amanda and I decided that it would be a good idea to reminisce by re-taking our first communion portraits.
(see above)

Do you want to be our friend?


ps. thanks Stephanie for recalling these random memories...and also for continuing to be my friend.

7.27.2008

Proper Mothering



Some babies are cute...

I spotted a baby (maybe 11 months old) next to me in Leeds this weekend.
I looked at her, smiled and said, “Hi there.”

Cute baby. But…something was just not quite right.

I looked up at her mum, a dead on Lil’ Kim look-alike, and then back at the baby.
That is when I noticed that the baby’s eyebrows were penciled in with eyebrow pencil...just like the picture above...minus the gold business.

Nightmares tonight my friends.

Babies + Makeup = Not OK.

7.24.2008

Mystery Man: Numero Two UPDATE



(do you see how he's gray now? That symbolizes the death of the Mystery Man status)

So...Hot Neighbor Mystery Man is a Mystery Man no more.

Neighbor man, Matt...who's not the Hot Neighbor Mystery Man, was carrying on a conversation with me outside the door to my flat. When...out comes Hot Neighbor.

Holy crap.
Breathe.

He plops down on the floor. Slowly and skillfully, he begins to lace up his cleats.
Ahh...he's an athlete.
And his shorts are longer than I remember...and my gay-dar is telling me he's not-so-gay after all...and all I want to say...is..."Hi."

and "I love you."

I start the introductions...
"Yay...I get to meet my neighbor man."
I say...trying to convince myself that I'm not a total cheese ball.

The three of us talk some more. Matt talks, I talk, Hot Neighbor Man talks (notice he's not a Mystery Man anymore b/c of the conversation that is taking place).
That is when I hear a "we" come out.

Hot Neighbor Man lives with his Lady girlfriend.

Game over.

Too Pretty not to Share






I'm aggressively saving for a car...thus, my shopping fix is all about the looking and not so much the buying...
Damn.

1. Lela Rose :::Ruffle neck blouse
2. Bill Blass :::Sequin embellished dress
3. Christian Louboutin :::Jolie Noeud Dorcet shoes
4. Chloe :::Bay patent tote

www.net-a-porter.com

7.22.2008

The Replacement


Saddest day of my life...my prized camera is jacked. I have to send it off to the canon factory to get repaired.
I bought a replacement on EBAY to get me through the tough times.

The pretty pics will return in, oh, about a month or so...

7.21.2008

Before Crest Whitestrips



Life…you go about it the only way you know how. And then suddenly…out of no-freakin-where, a magical moment arises that shakes up your entire world. Thus, altering your life F O R E V E R. Forever…in a way that feels, almost, too good to be true.

…Writing this is making me crave the chocolate.

…Temptation…1…2…3…

Abandoned. Ok, I feel skinny.

So…I was having a conversation with my dear friend, Stephanie, about this very subject last week.

Stephanie is a news anchor. A news anchor…with flat hair. With the support of her Chi Omega lady friends, she discovered the art of teasing. Teasing changed Stephanie’s life F O R E V E R. She is able to grace viewers with her sparkling anchor charm and no one even questions the fact that she’s from Texas.

I asked Stephanie if she would work her magic on me…but I’m going to have to hold off with the show-and-tell until I figure out how to make it not look like a bird lives in there.
Life altering?…not so much. For me, anyhow.

Two miracles that I can attest to are as follows:

1. The Victoria’s Secret Very Sexy® Push up Bra…

Dear Magic Boobs that were not there before,
I’m totally aware that you are just an illusion. But, HOT dog...those puppies are lookin' fine.
I beg you…please…continue dreaming with me and stay right where you are… because Marlene says that anything is possible if you truly believe…and Dad says that Marlene is always right. Ok. Great. Thanks.


2. Crest Whitestrips…Hello white teeth! Life altering. You wait for it…

These are soon-to-be three changed British women...they are absolutely gorgeous already...

(results coming in two weeks)
Please note: I recommend the regular (two weeks) over the Premium (one week). Bigger, Bad-er, Better...

7.20.2008

Bologna = Disgusting...



...yes, even when it's molded into the shape of a giant bear head.

The fifteen year old Jamie Lynn Spears look-alike at the cash register in front of me was buying this nast...

Sunday's with Jesus...

...in Shipley, West Yorkshire.

Observations:

* I'm the youngest member of the congregation by about fifty years

* The communion wine tastes like cider beer...

Dear Father Jesus,....I promise that I don't go for the free beer.

* If you've lost your place in the song, listen for the T sounds...you'll catch up soon enough.

AMEN it's Sunday!

7.16.2008

Getting Involved



One the goals that I set for 2008 was to get involved in the community that I'm living in. I attended an all-girls College Prep whose mission statement was, none other than, serviam (to serve).
Gotta keep those Ursuline nuns proud…it storms a lot here.

After some powerful thought, it dawned on me that it's the little things that have the ability to make a huge impact...

So…In addition to my overweight, Banana Republic-laden suitcase, l compassionately crammed along five boxes of Crest Whitestrips for my fellow British brothers and sisters.

at their request that is.

"How do you have such white teeth?!"

The secret is out.
Ahh...it feels so good to share the good.

I’ll be sure to include the before and after photos…

7.14.2008

Goodbye Sunshine and Happiness...



Back to jolly ol' England it is. I'm leavin' the boys behind.
For some strange reason, I don't think that they mind...

laid out and got some color...check
sported shorts and flip flops...check
married off a high school friend...check
invaded Banana Republic...check
drank some MARGARITAS. Viva Mexico!...check

I'm golden.

7.10.2008

Home Sweet Home

You can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the girl...


Howdy ya'll...
It's official. I'm back in Texas this week for my darling friend, Stephanie's wedding.

I just ate an apple that was size of my head...you won't find those in the UK.

7.07.2008

More Amsterdam Pics...

See link on the right for the whole mac daddy collection.









Welkom to Amsterdam

There’s nothing more beautiful than the sound of someone hawking a big loogie. That’s sort of what Dutch people sound like. Thankfully, foreign words are the only thing that is heaved in the process.

…and….our trip in a nutshell

See 'Dowen' on far right...don't judge a man by his hair

* Ferry to Rotterdam: Hello Cruise ship! Kiley and I received some Dutch lovin’ at dinner and were invited to the bridge to meet the captain and crew. This is where I first laid eyes on ‘Dowen’…later corrected as, Johan. I really wish there was more to this story ladies and gentleman, but sadly, it ends here. So far…Ik likven vat I’m seeven.

Hello Gorgeous Home

High Tea by the Sea

Kockxen Weggle

Michael and Christopher

I'm neeven sum sunskreeven

Dinner w/ the gang

Work it darling...make love to the camera

America's Next Top Model...1...2...3...GO!

*Den Hague: Our lovely hosts, Christopher and Michael welcome us to the Hague and into their crazy beautiful home (straight out of ELLE DÉCOR). Kiley and I get out and about to explore…High Tea on the beach…Kiley gets shat on by a pigeon…We head back to the house, freshen up…eat dinner with the boys and some of their buddies…and end the night with margaritas!...and a photo shoot.

Kiley as a Little Dutch Girl in the Rain


*Amsterdam: Van Gogh Museum, Anne Frank House…both museums so well done. Observations: Dark, Rich colors…bikes everywhere…Dutch people are not vertically challenged in the slightest…actually that is something to talk about…these people are crazy tall…and gorgeous.

7.06.2008

Shout Out to Visitor Number Three: Kiley


Meet Kiley. She's my ever-so-thoughtful, kind, and daring friend from college. We lived two doors down from each other in the dorms, and have remained close chums ever since.

Kiley is yet to encounter an obstacle that she is fearful of.

She’s operated a motor vehicle in four different countries, had a near accident with a gang of Scottish sheep, sported travel sandals with ankle socks around the chic streets of Venice, and got shat on by a pigeon in Den Hague. All of which her extensive guidebook knowledge could not have prepared her for.

Strangers’…pssh…there is no such thing in Kiley’s world. She even has the courtesy to speak to the Europeans in a proper British accent so that they are able to understand her better. From Dallas, Texas to Gmünd, Germany she spreads a lil’ sunshine and craziness wherever she goes. This is why I love her so.

7.03.2008

Off to Amsterdam for the Weekend...



My fearless friend Kiley has been gracing me with her presence this week. She's driving us...Hail Mary Mother of God...to Hull where we'll catch the floating ferry to Amsterdam. Photos and stories likely to follow...

7.01.2008

The Three Month Mark


What goes up must come down….or so they say.

It’s inevitable…you move to a new city and it happens every time. Finding yourself on that downward slope after the oh-so-fun journey to the summit. It’s here, my friends…The Three Month Mark. I was hoping that it wouldn’t find me this time around.

A new country, culture, strange salad bar items, sunrise at 4:30am, need Dryel…no one’s heard of Dryel, American hairdryer shoots out flames, dies, two midget ice cubes per drink (is anyone else here a champion ice chewer?). I think it’s just time for some good ol’ familiarity and comfort…I really don’t mind the European ice shortage.

I specifically remember The Three Month Mark after every move. What I was thinking, Who I turned to for a shoulder to cry on, but mostly…how fast those thoughts came and went.

Just to paint you a picture, here’s what my The Month Mark: England Edition looked like:

It’s Monday morning. I do not feel like walking to work. I get dressed, look in the mirror and think, wow…someone needs a makeover…and I set off. Arrive. Check my email. Remember that today is the day I have my new hire orientation at the Hallmark site on Dawson Lane…30 min away. I call a cab. The cab is parked in front of the building. I, on the other hand, am waiting outside of the gate. I call the cab company. The cabman tells me that he has been there for 15 minutes. I get in the cab…which is a NEON BLUE mini van that smells of dung. I look out the window…and this is when I begin to miss my Maxima…and my friends…and my family…and Starbucks. A little tear-let slowly begins to fall down my left cheek. This is when I realize that I’m exactly where I want to be right now in my life. I smile, disregard the tear…and blame it on the interior smell of the taxi.
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