Dear Father Jesus,
Remember when I was five and gleeked a mouthful of chocolate milk onto Brendan D.’s face to let him know how much I liked him? Yeah…I was smooth. I really wish those games still worked out for me the way they did in kindergarten. Please help me blossom, baby Jesus, both in maturity…and maybe a lil’ up top as well...if it’s not too much trouble. Hallelujah. Thank You for the girls I DO have…small as they may be.
There’s this boy that I see around from time to time.
He’s tall, attractive, shy (?), and strong...very strong.
My eyes met his guns on a Thursday afternoon and by Friday morning,
he had earned himself the nickname: Jonny Big Guns
(please keep in mind, there has been zero interaction between myself and JBG)
Attempt #1: Drawing Strong, Attractive, English Boy a Picture
I decided to break Jonny Big Guns mystery man status by drawing him a picture.
After all, I have some serious drawing skills.
It was a portrait of JBG (+ six pack) posing gracefully with nunchucks and a Chinese star.
I wrote Jonny Big Guns up top.
On the paper, that is…not my chestal region.
He emailed me back and said that it looked like a blind kid with no arms drew it.
(insert stab in the heart here)
Attempt #2 Sending Hot, English Bloke a Valentine’s Day Song Card
English people are funny about Valentine’s Day.
i.e. You would never send a valentine to anyone other than a lover.
I totally got the creepy-old-man-look from the gentleman at the post office when he saw that I was sending ten valentines overseas.
JBG’s Valentine’s Day Card Description:
Silhouetted couple making out on the cover
Lengthy, emotional copy
"Stand By Me" starts to play when you open it.
My personal, heartfelt message:
Dear Jonny Big Guns,
I’m so grateful for all the quality time that we’ve spent together…just you and me.
Remember that conversation that we had one time when I said, “hey” and you said, “hey” back?
Quality. I feel like I can tell you anything.
Happy Valentine’s Day to the Strongest Man in the World.
Love, Mary Beth
No English lovin' in return.
Ladies and Gentleman, my game has officially gone.
And…my roots are showing.
Posted by Mary Beth at 1:28 PM