Welcome to This Clean, Safe Space...

I like to consider myself a nice, wholesome girl from Texas.

Sure, I throw out seedy, inappropriate comments from time to time, but that’s just the result of having three older brothers…and, well, a dodgy sense of humor.

So...

Last night, I decided to have a look at the various Google searches that have linked to American Crumpet.
Ladies and Gentlemen, the following are just a few of the searches…and I’m not even kidding you:

Hot English blokes

Friday nipples

Granny panties

British slag

Dirty Milk Maidens

Ice cream nips

Grannies in panties

Panty viewing in Yorkshire


And…I’m gonna have to blame this one on Grandma. See what you've done Little G?

I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be more conservative in my choice of wording.

Crap.
I just wrote seedy somewhere up there, didn't I?

Dear Mom, Please Don't Cringe When You Read This...

Texas Tech School of Art Alumni Blog

Thanks for the write up Debby!

The Spa

Ahh…I’m back to my twenty six year old self. Om.

Our Champneys Spa Weekend consisted of early morning wake ups, Aqua Fit, Aqua Mitt, Hi-Lo Aerobics, Fitball, Thalassotherapy, Total Body Stretch, Massages, Fitness Hula Hoop, Pilates, and Dance… yeah, next time we meet, ask me to bust out The Full Monty routine…and no, I won’t take off my shirt.
Perv.

Best Quotes of the Weekend: (please read the following with an English accent)

“Pop off your bra, keep on your knickers, and slip under that sheet. I’ll be right back.” –Masseuse

“Are there any pregnancies that I should be aware of?” –Hot Fitness Instructor

“If you lose anymore weight, you’ll look common.”

“If you have any personal problems, come and see me.” –Hot Fitness Instructor

“Thrust your hips forward four times. As you do it scream, “YES!” each time.” –Dance Instructor

“Americans always wear t-shirts with little quotations on them.” –Hot Fitness Instructor
“They’re called FREE t-shirts.” -Me

Meet the Committee: Band Photos

Meet Joe, Matt, and Sean. (I work with Joe and Matt)
They're in a band...you know how the ladies love a man who can play drums, guitar, bongos, etc.

Check out these talented boys here:
http://www.meetthecommittee.co.uk/

...and our photo shoot

Off to the Spa for the Bank Holiday Weekend...

Never in my life have I been to a spa where you stay over multiple nights, have spa meals cooked for you, a gym, sauna, workout classes, and treatments all at your fingertips...mmm...it's time my friends.

One, because Champneys was running a special (hmm...spa weekend or groceries?...)

and Two, because just the other day someone guessed that I was...gulp... thirty-freaking-four
...nearly a decade older than I actually am.

Houston we have a problem.
Time to start searching for my Dr.90210.


I'll be back next Wednesday!

My New Best Friends

The Glitter Banditz

English Girls + Spray Tan =

Dear English Girls,

You know that vile color in the Crayola 64 pack called Burnt Sienna?
Yeah...it’s not exactly a flesh tone.
As a creative individual, I feel it’s my obligation to offer up wise color advice when deemed necessary.

Take Note: Always beware of the colors that remained sharp in the coloring box the entire duration of your elementary school career.

i.e. Burnt Sienna, Brick Red and Cornflower Blue
They’re not pretty...especially when collected on human hands, knees and paws.

Just keepin’ it real.
Snow White was beautiful!

Mary Beth

Weekend Trip No.9: Haworth Village's 1940's Weekend

Every springtime the village of Haworth in the heart of West Yorkshire's Bronte Country hosts a very special 1940s weekend with locals and visitors alike getting togged up in 1940's gear to enjoy a wide range of nostalgic events - which usually include a RAF vintage plane flypast, a morale boosting visit from "Sir Winston Churchill" and even the "Queen Mother" - as well as authentic swing jive dancing being performed both in the streets during the day and at specially arranged dances which are held at local dance halls and pubs in the evenings.

-directly from www.haworth1940s.co.uk

When English people dress up, they go all out. I've never seen anything like it.

click here to see the whole mac daddy collection

Watch Out...

Marlene has figured out how to comment...

American Girls by: Rob Palmer

American Girls
by: Rob Palmer

American girls are taller than English girls...and wear more clothes.
They'd much rather wear trousers than a cheeky skirt,
and strangely they laugh at our customs, despite the fact they have some ridiculous ones themselves.

American girls are loud and confident, but never spiteful or nasty.

American girls love the quiet guys to have a laugh with, but look for bad boys to date!

American girls like to stereotype English people, but are confused by the fact there are more than two fields to place them in (Jock or nerd)

American girls smuggle twizzlers into the country (which luckily, is completely legal).

American girls pretend to be strong independent individuals, but secretly miss home like crazy!

American girls are easy to confuse, and are pretty gullible!

The End

Far Away from Home

2009 will mark my longest time spent away from home…an entire year. 365 days.
I need to date an American Airlines pilot.
One who digs tall chicks.

It’s amazing to me how quickly it all goes by.

siblings…birthing babies

friends…getting married

the cast of Saved By The Bell…all approaching forty

and then there’s me…taking pictures of European men in tight jeans.

Sometimes you need a little reminder to draw you back into the present moment.
This piece of writing has always resonated with me. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.

There comes a time when you must stand alone. You must feel confident enough within yourself to follow your own dreams. You must be willing to make sacrifices. You must be capable of changing and rearranging your priorities so that your final goal can be achieved. Sometimes familiarity and comfort need to be challenged. There are times when you must take a few extra chances and create your own realities. Be strong enough to at least try to make your life better. Be confident enough that you won’t settle for a compromise just to get by. Appreciate yourself by allowing yourself opportunities to grow, develop, and find your true sense of purpose in this life. Don’t stand in someone else’s shadow when it’s your own sunlight that should lead the way.

Quote of the Day...

please read the following in an English accent:

"Let's drop by my sister's house for a tea and a wee."

Gifts from Grandma

My dear Grandmother sent me a lil’ jewelry box all the way across the Atlantic Ocean…God bless her.

Jewelry boxes make me nervous.
Whether it’s a gift from a boy, close friend, or creepy co-worker, there’s always that disconcerted anticipation that occurs the moment before the lid is lifted. I’m pretty sure it’s just a girl thing.

The last gift Grandma sent was a book titled:

Is He The One? 101 QuestionsThat Will Lead You to the Truth, Whatever That Is

It's proved successful at scaring the gentlemen away on numerous occasions.
And to think...all you have to do is stick it on your coffee table and invite 'em round for a cuppa.

This time, Little G (aka. Grandma) has sent....The Lucky Love Frog

In addition to his stunning silver coat and gold plated crown, Mr. Love Frog offers up a lovely poem that reads like so:

This lucky frog charm
will help you find
the perfect man
who’s smart, handsome, & kind

Keep him close to your heart
any day or night
until you find your prince charming
or at least Mr. Right.

...and a personal note from Little G:

Hi Mary Beth,

I thought you might like this little frog.
Carry him with you all of the time. Good Luck.

Love,
Grandma

I've seriously always wondered who buys this kind of stuff...

Have a Wonderful Weekend!

sweet wall graffiti in Leeds.

Take a trip to Malaga with us...

...you know you want to.

Benalmadena, Spain

Ladies and Gentlemen, I officially have a tan.
Spain rocks my world.

click here to see the whole mac-daddy collection

Fútbol Spanish-style


Pretty Lighting




Benalmadena Beach

Old men and the baño

Yeah...I think I'll just have a margarita.