For the Love of...Simon

This is my friend Emma's cousin, Simon.
Emma showed me his picture and my chest felt funny.
I think I'm in love. I thought it would be a good idea to write him a love letter.
I hope he finds it...moving.

Dearest Simon,

i've seen you in your wellies...and i liked it. i liked it a lot.
I imagine you smell like buffalo leather, or something equally masculine.
Do you bathe in lava? Because you're red hot.
My gut tells me that you're going to like me 91%.
The 9% of iffiness will arise shortly after reading this letter.
Two hours later, that nine could increase to thirty...
but baby, don't let the numbers scare you.

What we could have here is magic. Just think about it.
Mary Beth

This Happened in the Crown Room Yesterday...

I don't even know what to say.
Looks to me like someone had too much Raisin Bran for breakfast.

Ginormous Mansize Tissues

In England you say?

Way.

Did you know…that when you’re speaking to an English person, you’re not supposed to bring up the fact that everything is bigger and better in the US of A?

It pisses them off (Marlene, please excuse my language).

I acquired this piece of wisdom well before I moved over to the jolly ol', however, I find it thoroughly entertaining testing the waters. It’s just my way of making friends.

Weekend Fashion Tip

Who knew jorts with neon blue tights could look so good?

It's True...I'm a Big, Fat, Winker

photo by sweet fanny adams

I’ve always had my doubts about winkers. Afterall, they’re distrustful, sketchy, and insincere people.

The girls and I had an in-depth discussion about winkers last night. The overall response to the act of winking was…eww. Particularly if you’re a creepy, old man whose eyes wander a bit before the winking takes place.

In the past month or so, I’ve developed a bizarre crush on a winker in my ‘hood. The very first time I spoke with him, he winked at me three times. It was as if this winker totally understood what I was trying to say…or that’s what he would've liked me to believe.

So…the very next day I walked past an acquaintance on my way to the lunchroom. Instead of saying “Hello!” I had a bit of an out-of-body…automatically winking and giving him the super gay man nod. It was ridiculous.

I’m officially done with winkers.
They’re bad influences.

Creative Team Building: Treasure Hunt in Leeds

The whole creative team went out for a Treasure Hunt yesterday in Leeds.
For some strange reason, all the Americana's ended up in the same group...I'm pretty sure that was the British trying to hoard their ingrained knowledge of all things English. Yeah well, we did win "Funniest Group Photo" suckas!

Mannequin heads...

Disco pigeons. We should've earned extra points for this find.

You know you're in England when...

Kendra and Angie's very best British pose.

The Lady Boys of Bangkok...yeeeah. This one won us 'funniest group photo'.

Shoes on the clue find

We found him!

...I found Hungry Jim too.

Lady sculpture...and a true lad.

Yes...That Just Happened

I slipped on a banana peel the other day. It was truly a Mario Kart moment...wish you could've been there to see it. I really thought the whole banana peel being slippery thing was a myth...not so much.

To all you irresponsible English people out there, throw your bloody banana peels in the bin. Donkey Kong's got a race to win.

Happy Birthday Marlene!

(I wrote this one awhile back, but thought it was appropriate given the special day...)

Marlene...she's my sweet and funny mom.
I call her "Marlene" only when she does or says something that only Marlene would say or do. My mom is a loyal fan of The Bold and the Beautiful and the Dallas Mavericks. She yells at the t.v. when her team misses a basket and at Ridge when he confides and/or makes out with any other chick besides his Bridget. She irons anything and everything...including sheets, underwear and socks...and believes hose are mandatory when attending a formal event. She always has plenty of food out on the table when entertaining and makes sure all of her guests are taken care of. "Your hair looks like straw" was the feedback that I received from Marlene after my fifth grade encounter with Sun-In. If anyone's going to be honest, it's my mom and that's why I love her.

Happy Birthday Mom!
Wish I could be there in person to give you a big hug...and to apologize for writing, "hot, sweaty makeout" in my previous post. (Marlene doesn't like that kind of talk...especially from a young lady)

Have a Wonderful Weekend!

And remember...say NO to drugs.

To Conclude My Adventure in Italia...

...I thought I'd save the best for last.

Ahh...Michele, exactly where he was four years ago...thank you Father Jesus.
This encounter didn't quite go the way that I wanted it to. No hot, sweaty makeouts behind the gelato stand, just a sexy Italian and a random American chick trying to re-create a GQ photo spread.

Oh well...a picture lasts forever. Kisses only last about 1% of the time.

Italy Quotes:

"Do you know Jimmy Carter?"

"We make relations..."

"I'm like a children...I drink peach juice."

"Giant corn nuts!!!"

overheard Italian man talking on his cell...
"You confuse-a me sexually. I want you."

Meet Simone

Simone and I then

Simone and I now

Simone owned a souvenir stand directly outside the door to my apartment on Via Ricasoli. I’d walk out in the morning and shout, “Buon giorno Simone!” And he’d reply, “Buon giorno Mary Beth!” In the evenings, we’d swap it to a buona sera.

Four + years later, Simone is right where he always was…and still managing to make everyone around him smile.

How Simone Met Mary Beth


Simone's Rant on Florence

Florence, Italy

To view the whole mac-daddy collection, click here.

Off to Florence for the Weekend...

I've decided not to take my computer with me on this trip...

Traumatizing Naples train station flashback involving sweaty, smelly men (sans deodorant), filthy, crammed cabins, and emotional breakdowns.

See you all on Tuesday!

Ciao Bello...

…that’s what I used to say to my dream man, Michele, who worked at the tabacchi shop on the corner of Via Ricasoli (the street that I lived on in Florence).

I’d pass by the shop everyday on my way to class.
The routine…and, yes, it was totally a routine, went like so: look straight forward, walk, walk, quick look…and smile, just as I rounded the corner. I built up the courage to walk in his shop all of two times that semester.

Baller.

The first time, my girlfriends pretty much pressured me into it.
They got sick of me coming home and talking about my eventless encounters with Mr. Hottie Tabacchi Shop Man. So…I bought a pack of gum…and couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I was too nervous thinking about our future together. Our last encounter took place at the very end of the semester. With poise, I walked into Michele’s tabacchi shop, told him that he was the most beautiful Italian man I had ever seen, and…silence.

Is he going to tell me that my scarf is way too short?...because, seriously, someone should have told me.

No, it’s just that my dearest Michele didn’t speak a lick of English…we needed a translator…and in that moment, I kinda wanted to take it all back. But, really, check out those pecs!

Guess where I'm headed on Thursday?...
Ahh, sweet Firenze (Florence). My home away from home.

This is my favorite Italian professor, Duccio.
Unfortunately, he'll be away in Modena this weekend with family.

Mind-programming

So, before jetting off to Washington D.C., I had a slight bridesmaid dress dilemma. Fortunately, it was nothing that a pair of heavy duty SPANX couldn’t sort out. (p.s. Thanks Marlene, for those big Italian booty genes.)

Someone at work told me about this hypnotist man who wrote a book called, I Can Make You Thin.
Funny concept…read a short book and listen, daily, to a mind-programming CD. I bought it…only because I thought if someone was going to hypnotize me, I’d want him to have a sexy accent. I really wish I had a sound clip of this business. It’s the most terrifying thing I’ve ever listened to in my life. In fact, so terrifying, I chose to skip lunch. Success! Now if they only had a mind-programming CD for How To Land a Gentleman…

You Know You're in Shipley When...

Sorry gentlemen, you'll never think of twins in the same way...

Have a great weekend everybody!